I had everything planned. My list of intentions was proudly hung on the bulletin board above my desk. I even had mapped out what time I was going to be working on which project. And then… I got sick.
A cold? No. The flu? I wish. The doctor’s diagnosis: sinus infection, double ear infection, and bronchitis. I spent the first 4 days in bed, while my well-laid plans gathered dust. My head hurt so bad I couldn’t even read. The puppies tried to cheer me up by playing tug of war with my blankets. I wallowed in self-pity.
The first time I felt like actually doing something I celebrated with a load of laundry, jeans, to be exact. But by the time they came out of the dryer, all I could do was lay them across the ironing board so they didn’t get wrinkled. My thought was to put them away later… maybe after a Nyquil induced nap. One of the cats yakked on them. Happy Happy Joy Joy.
My attitude stayed defeated while I religiously took my antibiotic. How was I going to get out of this miserable mess? ‘Mind over matter’ doesn’t work when your head feels like it’s stuffed with steel wool.
Day 5: I moved to the recliner, worked on some homework, and got through a chapter of Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books, by Azar Nafisi. What started out as a couple chapters of required reading had turned into a new found treasure. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because I was forced to stay in bed. The women in Nafisi’s book club (more of a class, really) were trapped in their own culture, forced to hide their bodies, and their minds, from the outside world. I’m only a few chapters into the book, but I can already say that my own troubles are growing smaller as I read further.
When I was growing up, I heard my mother say, “I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw the man who had no feet.” I understood what she was trying to teach us, but I never really appreciated it until recently. It’s okay to feel badly when life is rough. But it’s not okay to stay there. Cry, get your feelings out, write about it in your journal, acknowledge your suffering. Then, take a shower, get dressed, and move on. Don’t let the misery take over.
When I have more energy, I’ll dust off my list of intentions and reschedule my projects. Right now, I have some jeans to rewash.
